The Time You Have Left - Which is Less Than You Think
Deciding between a happy life or a meaningful life
You don’t live forever, and that’s a good thing.
Last week, I watched an episode of the Huberman Lab Podcast featuring his guest, Dr. Emily Balcetis. Balcetis is a psychologist whose “research focuses on how our perception of the world, particularly our visual perceptions, influences our level and persistence of motivation, how we conceptualize goals, actual goal achievement, and our emotional state as we pursue goals.”
My takeaway from this podcast was that leveraging our visual perceptions can amplify the likelihood of our goals and dreams coming true. So, I decided to focus on time management and using my remaining time on this planet as joyfully as possible.
So, I needed some visual tools to get me started. A quick Google search revealed this website: Your Life in Weeks. When you visit this site, you are asked to enter your date of birth, which for me is October 25, 1056. I pressed enter, and this is what I got back:
The area shaded in red on this chart are the weeks I have already spent. The time I have left, assuming I live to age 90, is gray. Gulp.
Following Dr. Balcetis’ advice, I printed a copy of this chart in color, and placed it on my desk where I can see it daily. I have a physical reminder, easily visible, of the amount of time I have left to do the things that matter to me.
What Matters: Do you want a meaningful or happy life?
Roy Baumeister, a psychologist on the faculty of Florida State University, published a study in the journal Positive Psychology in 2013 titled “Key Differences Between a Happy Life and a Meaningful Life.”
In their conclusions, Baumeister and his research associates pointed out that while living a happy life and a meaningful one certainly overlap, as the title of the article suggests, there are also differences between the two.
A happy life is generally associated with lower stress and anxiety levels compared to a meaningful life. Parents frequently report lower levels of happiness after the arrival of children but a significant increase in meaning. Parenting is hard work.
Here is a brief synopsis from Baumeister’s study that captures the essence of the differences between happiness and meaning.
“Happiness is mainly about getting what you want and need, including from other people or even by using money. Meaningfulness is linked to doing things that express and reflect your higher self, particularly doing positive things for others.”
Several years ago, I read an outstanding book on living a meaningful life that I think you would benefit from reading or listening to. The book, written by Emily Esfahani Smith, is called The Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life That Matters. (not an affiliate link)
When I first read her work, I was designing the first positive psychology class to be taught in a high school in the United States. Smith had recently completed her master’s degree in positive psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and was beginning work on her doctoral studies in clinical psychology at Catholic University.
In The Power of Meaning, she identifies the four pillars of a meaningful life: Belonging, Purpose, Storytelling, and Transcendence. When you consider how many weeks you have left to live, you may want to explore those four ideas in depth. I have.
Belonging: Our connections to others matter greatly.
I recently retired and moved to Bonita Springs, Florida. I left behind my sense of identity, friends, and community; loneliness soon followed.
In an effort to reach out, I joined an international men’s group called the ManKind Project or MKP. The MKP “empowers men to missions of service, supporting men to make a difference in the lives of others – men, women, and children around the world.”
I aspire to live a meaningful life and hope my involvement with MKP will contribute to that goal.
I have also begun listening to a podcast produced by a young woman named Becca Piastrelli, a wife and mother, called “Belonging: Conversations About Rites of Passage, Meaningful Community, and Seasonal Living.
If you have ever listened to Krista Tippett’s podcast, On Being, you won’t be disappointed by Becca Piastrelli - they have very similar styles. I find her work to be inspiring and soothing.
Purpose and Meaning: Logotherapy and lessons from Auschwitz.
Perhaps the greatest book I have ever read was Viktor Frankyl’s Man’s Search for Meaning. (not an affiliate link). It wasn’t the pursuit of happiness that kept Frankyl alive in the concentration camps—it was meaning.
Frankyl had hidden a manuscript in the lining of his clothes when he entered the concentration camps, hoping to publish it when the war was over. He was stripped of his clothes shortly after arriving at Theresienstadt concentration camp. That manuscript described the principles of logotherapy,
Many people, perhaps including you, have read Man’s Search for Meaning. However, most people don’t bother to read the last half of the book, which describes logotherapy. Frankyl was a psychiatrist who believed that people’s principal motivation in life is what he called “the will to meaning.”
Here are a few applications of logotherapy in real life -
Create something
Build better relationships
Find purpose in unavoidable pain
Understand and accept that life is unfair at times
Treasure your freedom to find meaning
Focus on others, not yourself
Accept the worst and adapt as necessary
Storytelling: StoryCorps
StoryCorps is a weekly program on NPR that was launched in 2003. This is their mission as it appears on their site:
StoryCorps is committed to the idea that everyone has an important story to tell and that everyone’s story matters. Our mission is to help us believe in each other by illuminating the humanity and possibility in us all — one story at a time.
Stories shared in StoryCorps booths nationwide are archived in the Library of Congress, which has the largest collection of historical audio files in the world.
You have two ways that you can participate in StoryCorps.
You can go to the StoryCorps site and view the schedule of their traveling booths and reserve a slot.
You can download the StoryCorps app on your phone and record your story anytime and anywhere. I have used the app multiple times with students who appreciated the hundreds of prompts provided.
Storytelling is not just about entertainment—it is fundamental to being human. Stories are repositories of our innermost feelings, dreams, fears, and loves. Storytelling provides us with a conduit to transmit meaning to people all over the globe. It is the glue that holds us together in community.
Transcendence: You matter more than me.
I’ll finish up this letter with what may appear to be an unusual recommendation. Transcendence is the idea that we abandon self-centeredness in favor of something bigger than ourselves. People like Malala Yousafzai, Bishop Desmond Tutu, and the acclaimed public interest attorney Bryan Stevenson come to mind.
These men and women endured tremendous suffering, their spirits ignited by a call to transcendence. The book I suggest you read that offers a glimpse into what it takes to become such a person is Glennon Doyle’s Untamed (not an affiliate link).
Written primarily for a female audience, Untamed is a memoir of how one woman broke free from her chains and became, in her words, the cheetah she was meant to be.
On my desk is a black coffee mug with the following inscription:
You can choose courage, or you can choose comfort, but you cannot have both.
Living a meaningful life demands courage and the willingness to embrace discomfort. If you are a parent, you know the discomfort of sleepless nights, argumentative teenagers, and rambunctious toddlers. Would you have it any other way?
Being a parent is similar to planting a tree whose shade you will never see. You are investing in your children’s future.
After reading Untamed, the image that is seared into my mind is that of a magnificent cheetah sprinting across the Serengeti. That cheetah resonates with power, courage, and commitment.
These are the necessary qualities to live a transcendent life.
Resource Summary
Key Differences Between a Happy and a Meaningful Life
The Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life that Matters
Good read